Couples therapy in English
Couples therapy is designed for individuals seeking to enhance and transform the dynamics within their relationship. It’s a supportive space for those navigating challenges and experiencing emotional pain in their partnership without a clear path forward.
I specialize in working with couples facing imbalances, communication difficulties, diminished desire, conflicts, infidelity, adult attachment issues, feelings of inadequacy, and patterns in their relationship dynamics.
My approach centers on your unique perspectives on intimacy, security, sexuality, personal development, and values.
I’m dedicated to helping you build a stronger and more fulfilling union.
How couples therapy works
Couples therapy works on identifying the emotions at play, modulating those emotions to make them clear and manageable, and expressing them.
- What emotions are at play?
- How do you tell each other how you feel when you're emotionally overwhelmed, abandoned, sad, insecure, or uncertain?
- Do you give each other time and space, or do you engage in verbal battles?
- Does one of you please and smooth things over to avoid the conflict escalating.
In couples therapy, you’ll experience that I work with the thoughts, feelings, actions, and patterns you bring into the relationship, understanding how they affect the way you interact with each other, and I help you manage these with concrete tools and techniques.
When we, as a couple, are in conflict and imbalance, we often lose our ability to reflect on what’s happening, and it feels like a vulnerable and stressful place to be in the relationship.
In therapy, you’ll find that I, as a couples therapist, am attentive, supportive, empathetic, curious, and non-judgmental. I create a confidential space where there’s room to explore your personal experiences of what’s challenging in your relationship right now and help you articulate your feelings and thoughts.
What we can we talk about
In therapy, I “hold the space” by focusing on you, your dynamics, and helping you approach your thoughts and feelings openly and acceptingly, both within yourselves and toward each other.
Understanding and Connection:
You’ll experience a greater understanding and connection with each other and become better at communicating clearly about your desires and needs. You’ll learn to talk to each other in a more honest and authentic way, thereby avoiding misunderstandings and conflicts and creating a sense of security in the relationship.
When we don’t communicate or when our communication isn’t clear and explicit, we drift further apart from each other emotionally. Instead of inquiring about each other, we begin to assume what our partner is thinking and feeling – and act based on those assumptions.
Lack of Curiosity About Each Other:
In my experience, it’s precisely when curiosity about each other fades, when we assume and believe we can read the other’s desires and needs, and when the desire to inquire about the other person diminishes – it’s right at that point that the relationship starts to overexert itself.
Are You the Pleaser in Your Relationship?
It could also be that one of you “over-cooperates” or pleases to make everything work – maybe you walk on eggshells to avoid provoking your partner’s anger. Perhaps you’re familiar with situations where either you or your partner withdraws when things get tough, leaving the room and seeking refuge elsewhere to gather your thoughts and find peace.
In couples therapy, I assist you with concrete techniques on how to communicate effectively and articulate your desires and needs in a healthy and constructive manner.
Mentalization and Non-Mentalization
In couples therapy, I also work with the concepts of mentalization and non-mentalization.
Non-mentalization occurs when an intense emotion such as jealousy, anxiety, guilt, anger, or loss is activated. When we struggle with mentalization, we lose focus on both ourselves and the other person, and we actually don’t understand what the other is saying or meaning. We become so overwhelmed by the intense emotion that we completely lose perspective.
In such situations, we might automatically think, “I know what you’re thinking,” and start acting based on what we believe the other person is thinking and feeling. However, we haven’t actually inquired about it, and we don’t genuinely know, but we’re so overwhelmed in the emotion that it takes control.
What often occurs in these situations is that the situation and conflict become painfully stuck, and the arguments move in circles, and we find ourselves going around in circles with them.
When mentalization is functioning well, we’re skilled at listening, actively asking each other questions, and providing support. This, in turn, allows us to regulate our own emotions effectively.
A Personal Journey of Growth:
Many couples share that couples therapy is also a personal journey of growth, experienced as a voyage towards greater self-awareness, empathy, and understanding of their own and others’ reactions. They find that they become better at communicating with each other in a new and respectful way, even about the challenging and vulnerable aspects of their relationship.
